As promised–and since I’ve got nothing better to do–I bring you the top three candidates for tappin’ that ass. I should let everyone know that these are my top five most acceptable candidates, not necessarily the most probable. John McCain is nowhere on the list, for instance.

I took some liberties with who I chose, as well, in that they may not all be candidates for public office. They are all politicians, however, and who better to fantasize about plowing the future Mrs. Vice-President?

Without further ado…

#3 Slick Willy

I'm so fucking debonair. Damn.


I might take some crap for this choice, but I stand firm: Bill Clinton and Sarah Palin would make one raunchy porno. Her all being bitchy and skittish, trying to knife the cameraman for wearing a ponytail; him all smooth talk and “Aw shucks, baby, it ain’t nothin but a thang” while he rolls a fatty on her antique chaise lounge.

There’s just something so romantic and debonair about Slick Willy that whenever sex and politics comes up, so does his name.


#2 Mitt Romney

And when she took that thing off-BABLAM!

And when she took that thing off-BABLAM!

I bet that some of you are thinking “Oh Lord, she’s surely going to hell for this one”, but you’d be wrong. You’d also probably be toothless, from the American Southeast,  and the deacon of a church whose congregation know each other from famly reunions. Mitt Romney is almost the perfect choice for this job, and it isn’t entirely due to his being Mormon. It’s actually because he’s a man who-okay it’s because he’s Mormon. But he’s a handsome Mormon, right?



#1 Rudy Giuliani

You guys know why I dig chicks with pigtails?
You guys know why I dig chicks with pigtails?

What? Don’t look at me like that. Rudy’s awesome and nothing you say will ever change that. Not only do I think he’s the number one choice to nail Mrs. Veep, but I think he should do it while being President Giuliani.

He’s as tough as Palin, except with that city grit that country chicks love. Being from NYC should prepare his heart for the things Palin is statistically obligated to say in bed, and I’ll bet he don’t take no shit off no broad, neither. Rudy & Palin, all the way.