The only important political question…

September 16, 2008

Oh Gods yes...

Oh Gods yes...

Let’s face it: Sarah Palin is a flippin’ hottie. Gorgeous well-kept face, supple lips, thin tummy, and a high tight butt–the total package, and smart to boot. She’s also an ice-bitch mutant conservative, true, but I’m probably not alone when I say I wouldn’t mind losing my watch somewhere in those button-down Republican depths. Yowza.

There’s a dark corner of the internet solely devoted to making obscene couples of characters from popular fiction. It’s called slash-fic, and it’s wondrous. Some of the blandest television characters are transformed through the magic of the human imagination into sweating, striving, straining fuck-beasts–legendary heroes of epic Greco-Roman man-loving–and every so often the results are not even that terrible.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

What if, God help us, someone were to write a slash-fic with Sarah Palin as the star? Who would she encounter on her sprawling, probably perpetually nude adventures? Who, besides yourselves, would you want to read about nailing the future Mrs. Vice-President? Would you prefer some made-up Prince Charming stereotype, some shining knight/muscular ranchhand endowed with gifts most women only dream about? Or would you rather it be someone a little more realistic?

If you guys are anything like me, you want to read about Mrs. Palin climbing on top of the turgid member of one of our country’s many high-profile politicians. Maybe even more than one of them, along with a cute little Asian aide de camp from the McCain/Palin party.

I guess what I’m admitting to you is that I want to read about (or see!) Sarah Palin getting her diamond-squeezing ass pounded to a quivering pulp by the biggest dicks in Congress. Gods, I swear would just melt.

Now that we’ve figured out what we want Mrs. Palin to do, we must hash out who she must be doing. This is where things get tricky. Do we want a dashing public figure? An old, decrepit Supreme Court Justice who has to keep his dick pump in the same bag as his nitroglycerin pills? A drunken, cocaine-fueled parade of Senators too cheap to bring their own lube?

Tune in for my run-down of the only candidates that really matter: the ones best suited to deep-dicking Sarah Palin.

See you next time!

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